THIS IS A STORY I WROTE AFTER THE LOSS OF OUR FIRST MALAMUTE . I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE IT WITH YOU. IT HELPED ME DURING THE GRIEVING PROCESS TO WRITE MY FEELINGS ON PAPER, WHICH I LATER SHARED IN A JORNAL OF AN ALASKAN MALAMUTE ORGANIZATION IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE A STORY OF YOUR OWN PLEASE FEEL FREE TO E-MAIL ME AND I WOULD LOVE TO SGARE IT ON THE WEBSITE . THESE STORIES WIL HAELP OTHERS NOT FEEL SO ALONE

If anyone cares to listen.....

November 26

I have a friend, he's been around for ten years, making me happy when I am sad and bringing me love when times are not so kind and caring. I love him very, very much and I know he loves and respects me also. he always had a way of knowing when life was rough for me.

Nights I would be crying in loneliness as their was a time in my life where verything seemed empty , KOBUK only needed to hear my faint cries and he was by my side, laying his head on my lap, or throwing that big paw of his at me, seeming to tell me "it's okay---I'm here." These memories are the ones that tug at my heart while I watch him die, maybe not today, but I know it wont be long now, because today I made the decision that after this last round of trial of a different pill, needle, anything, I know it's time. I see him suffering more, and more.

This has been one of the hardest decisions of my life, somehow it doesn't seem right to chose his fate. He still manages to give me that grin of his, and wags his tail in absolute glee over his favorite treats, but I still hear him whimper in pain. So, I give him a needle---it's supposed to soothe him, and I see him trying to get up---his elbow bandaged because it is raw to the bone from the constant pressure of trial and error. I quickly go to help him. Gently I help him into a sitting position. He can't walk or go out tp relieve himself on his own. I clean him, brush him, wanting so much for him to be okay. I really wish for a miracle. I cry, I pray. Dear God, it's hard, he is my friend. And I have to wonder, does anyone understand? I'm feeling a little alone in my thoughts, if anyone cares to listen.....

December 5

I am lying in bed. I hear Kobuk, I say to myself that I've just kissed him and covered him up for the night. It must be one of the many howls I would respond to, dash to him and say " It's okay---I'm here, good boy!". I hear him again, but this time, just as slow and melodic, I hear the song of the other four dogs. I awake. It is 4:00 AM, and I don't remember falling asleep. I quickly check on Kobuk. He lies there in his usual sleeping position, quiet. I notice no heavy breathing. I am suddenly overwhelmed with grief. I cry out "not now, oh god, please not now. I wanted to be there for him, as he was always there for me." My feelings of guilt rip at my heart. I kiss him, hold him, and my only relief is the thought that before he died the other guys seemed to know, and assured him that he was not alone.

Time will heal my pain, and I am adopting new ways of looking at life. Live your life so as to have no regrets to ponder, and when life needs you, give the very best your heart has.

I will miss you, Kobuk my malamute buddy. You have brought a special joy to my life, and a peace to my soul throughout my life. You have sustained my broken spirit and helped to mold me into the person I have become. I love you always.

Kobuk
1986 - 1995
I love you always

--Tammy

Typed by: Melyssa Croucher =)